Anyone else notice that all of the New Year TV was sponsored by Nicorette and Noxzema? And I swear, if I hear Jennifer Hudson sing that Weight Watchers song one more time! Makes me want to slather my body in Noxzema, while smoking a cigarette and eating Cheetos! Happy New Year all the same.
2012 Silly and Funny New Years Resolutions I’ve heard
“I hereby resolve to:”
- Actually work from home on my telecommuting days.
- Get dressed before noon…or at the very least, before the video conferencing call with my boss.
- Less e-mailing? Cancel at least a few of the 9 or 10 e-mail accounts I currently have.
- Not talk on my cell phone while in the bathroom doing – – – (you finish this sentence).
- Never pull away from the gasoline pump … with the hose still in the tank (darn those cell phone calls).
- Try and drive at or under the speed limit … at least when I’m not hungry, tired or late.
- Watch more television -it IS the “window into the world”, right?
- Keep my opinions to myself (yeah, right).
- Get two friends to START smoking … that way I’ll feel less guilty that I don’t seem able to quit.
- Play harder, work less … who needs a paycheck anyway?
- Wear something other than sweat pants to the grocery store
- Stop repeating myself again, and again, and again.
- Wear something other than sweat pants to the grocery store … oops … there I go again!
- Stop procrastinating … (I think I just might start next month).
- Enjoy the sweeter side of life – M&Ms, Hershey kisses, candy corns, and cheesecake and …
- Gain some weight – I think I caught a glimpse of one of my ribs in the mirror yesterday.
- Read something this year … other than the comics.
- Drive myself to the fitness center when I feel like going from now on … because walking there makes me perspire.
- Stop leaving my dirty gym socks lying in the middle of the floor. I’ll leave them on the kitchen table, where they’re easier to reach.
- Kick the caffeine habit – hey, why does my over-sized coffee mug smell like sweaty socks?
- Read those books I bought 5 years ago on “how to improve my memory” … I keep forgetting to read them.
- Be more decisive … I’ll absolutely try to attempt to think about resolving to be more decisive, if I possibly can.
- Quit making those SAME excuses … I make the same excuses each year, why I’ll do better next year, and it’s getting pretty old – this year I resolve to come up with some new excuses instead.
Funny Technology Related New Year’s Resolutions
- Watch more cute and cuddly kitten videos on YouTube
- Check my work e-mail account at least once this year
- Switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make each a lot harder for hackers to figure out
- Watch less T.V…. in standard definition
- Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, because QVC has better specials
- Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes
- Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while eating McDonald’s and speeding through crosswalks in school zones with a frost covered windshield
- Avoid fingertip soreness by learning to play “Rock Band,” instead of a real guitar
- Start a blog about how I would write more often if I had something important to write. Only make one blog entry and leave it published for years
- Talk with a robot voice all the time