Funny Resolutions

Anyone else notice that all of the New Year TV was sponsored by Nicorette and Noxzema?  And I swear, if I hear Jennifer Hudson sing that Weight Watchers song one more time!  Makes me want to slather my body in Noxzema, while smoking a cigarette and eating Cheetos!  Happy New Year all the same.

2012 Silly and Funny New Years Resolutions I’ve heard

“I hereby resolve to:”

  • Actually work from home on my telecommuting days.
  • Get dressed before noon…or at the very least, before the video conferencing call with my boss.
  • Less e-mailing? Cancel at least a few of the 9 or 10 e-mail accounts I currently have.
  • Not talk on my cell phone while in the bathroom doing – – – (you finish this sentence).
  • Never pull away from the gasoline pump … with the hose still in the tank (darn those cell phone calls).
  • Try and drive at or under the speed limit … at least when I’m not hungry, tired or late.
  • Watch more television -it IS the “window into the world”, right?
  • Keep my opinions to myself (yeah, right).
  • Get two friends to START smoking … that way I’ll feel less guilty that I don’t seem able to quit.
  • Play harder, work less … who needs a paycheck anyway?
  • Wear something other than sweat pants to the grocery store
  • Stop repeating myself again, and again, and again.
  • Wear something other than sweat pants to the grocery store … oops … there I go again!
  • Stop procrastinating … (I think I just might start next month).
  • Enjoy the sweeter side of life – M&Ms, Hershey kisses, candy corns, and cheesecake and …
  • Gain some weight – I think I caught a glimpse of one of my ribs in the mirror yesterday.
  • Read something this year … other than the comics.
  • Drive myself to the fitness center when I feel like going from now on … because walking there makes me perspire.
  • Stop leaving my dirty gym socks lying in the middle of the floor. I’ll leave them on the kitchen table, where they’re easier to reach.
  •  Kick the caffeine habit – hey, why does my over-sized coffee mug smell like sweaty socks?
  • Read those books I bought 5 years ago on “how to improve my memory” … I keep forgetting to read them.
  • Be more decisive … I’ll absolutely try to attempt to think about resolving to be more decisive, if I possibly can.
  • Quit making those SAME excuses … I make the same excuses each year, why I’ll do better next year, and it’s getting pretty old – this year I resolve to come up with some new excuses instead.

Funny Technology Related New Year’s Resolutions

I will…

  • Watch more cute and cuddly kitten videos on YouTube
  • Check my work e-mail account at least once this year
  • Switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make each a lot harder for hackers to figure out
  • Watch less T.V…. in standard definition
  • Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, because QVC has better specials
  • Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes
  • Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while eating McDonald’s and speeding through crosswalks in school zones with a frost covered windshield
  • Avoid fingertip soreness by learning to play “Rock Band,” instead of a real guitar
  • Start a blog about how I would write more often if I had something important to write. Only make one blog entry and leave it published for years
  • Talk with a robot voice all the time

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